


Never Gone

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Family Drama, Family Secrets, Gen, Rape/Non-con References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-01
Updated: 2011-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-17 10:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/175884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carole Hudson and Trina Evans meet again after seventeen years. It had been seventeen years since the pair of them testified against their rapist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Gone

“Carole.”

 

“Trina.”

  
Carole Hudson-Hummel turned around to find herself face to face with a memory from the past in the form of a small woman with light brown hair and a pained expression permanently etched upon her face. Trina Davis had lived in the same town that Carol did before she moved to Lima seventeen years earlier. Trina had also been a victim of the same rapist that nearly took Carole’s will to live from her. Oh god, she could not believe she was looking at her. She had never thought she’d see anyone from that life again. She wasn’t sure that she ever wanted to see anyone from that life again.

 

She rushed forward and took the woman into a hug. Trina hugged her back, awkwardly.

 

“Carole,” she said. “Is one of these kids yours?”  

 

She blinked at the question and then nodded. She had almost forgotten that she was standing in the McKinley auditorium with parents and friends of the McKinley High New Directions. The kids had been so excited about being qualified for Nationals in New York that they had decided to do a performance at home for their families and friends, to practice performing for a crowd. They had been fantastic and were due to come out and meet their admirers any moment. “Yes,” she said. “My son Finn is the…tall one, who sang the solo on the last song.”

  
“That’s insane,” Trina said, shaking her head from side to side. “My son Sam, he’s the blonde one…”

 

“How long have you been living here?” she managed to ask. How could she have not noticed the woman sooner if she and her son were living here? Her son was a member of Finn’s beloved glee club too.

 

"Actually, Sam and his father live here," Trina said softly, her voice calm and collected. "I live elsewhere. I come up on my visitation weeks to spend some time with my son. What a coincidence that they relocated here and Sam goes to the same school as your son. How long have you been living here Carole?"

"Fourteen years," she responded quietly. "I moved here shortly after Finn's father passed. I had relatives in the area and it seemed like a nice, quiet place to get away from all from all of that negativity."

"His father?" she asked softly, but bluntly. Carole was surprised at the implication and how willing she was to bring up that time. "He's not...I mean they’re the same age…I kind of instantly assumed that the bastard…”

Carole quickly shook her head. She refused to think about the rape or the possibility that Trina was toying with. It had haunted the back of her mind for years and there was absolutely no reason for it to come to the front of her mind again.

 

”No," she said. "Well, I mean, I don't know. Christopher and I had a pretty active sex life around the time but when I got pregnant, we both knew that it was a possibility...we decided together to never even attempt to find out. We had sort of talked about having children beforehand and anyway, Chris instantly became Finn’s father, whether or not he was, biologically. Chris got me through the worst pain I ever felt in my life.”

 

 _Then he died_ , Carole supplied mentally. She would have followed her late husband to the grave if not for Finn but that was another story, another thought pattern she’d kept buried for long enough.

  
Trina seemed to be assessing Carole, taking her in. It was uncomfortable and she flinched underneath the steady gaze.

 

"There was no doubt about Sam," she muttered. "Ryan, my ex-husband, he was infertile from a childhood illness. I honestly think that's why he took to Sam so easily. The kid was the son he couldn't have with me. He was very excited when he found out that I was pregnant. Sometimes I think he willfully forgot that someone raped me to get it.”

 

Carole frowned. She did not understand exactly what constituted the dynamic of Trina’s relationship with her son. It made her very, very instantly uncomfortable, honestly. She seemed to talk about her son as a resented thing and not exactly a past-resentment either.

  
Carole was taken from her thoughts by the arrival of Finn. “Hey mom,” he said. “How’d you like the show?”

 

“It was brilliant, of course,” Carole said, trying to speak as though she was not bothered by the surroundings around her.

 

Sam also arrived, approaching his mother without any of the goofy affection that her son had for her. “Did you like it, Mom?” he asked, shifting and putting his hands on his pockets. His eyes moved quickly and Carole could sense a teenager desperately seeking approval when she saw one.

 

“It was great,” Trina said, her tone not matching her words at all.

 

At that moment, Sam and Finn looked at each other. “Do you guys know each other?” Sam asked, looking from his own mother to Finn’s.

 

“Yes,” Carole said brightly, almost forcefully. “Trina and I grew up in the same neighborhood before you two were born. Isn’t that awesome? I can’t even imagine that someone I used to know would wind up in Lima and in the same auditorium of all things.”

 

“That is cool,” Finn said, looking at Sam and his mom. “How weird.”

 

Sam was kind of quiet. “Let’s go mom,” he said, with a forced smile. “I have a lot to show you before you go back to the hotel. I also want you to meet my girlfriend.” They headed in the opposite direction of Finn and Carole. Carole stuck close to her son as they went back towards her car.

 

“Mom, are you okay?” he asked.

 

Finn wasn’t usually a very perceptive child, so his words surprised his mother. She turned and looked to him and nodded. “Yeah, I’m great,” she lied to her son. “It just was kind of strange, almost trippy, seeing Trina again. That was a long time ago but it almost seems like yesterday.”

 

Yeah, it almost seemed like yesterday that she and Trina both took the witness stand and stared down the man who raped them. She drove them home, glad that they only lived a short distance from McKinley, because she did not feel that she was a safe driver at the moment. She could not get those moments out of her head: standing on the witness stand and staring right into his eyes, meeting other women like Trina, who had also been raped by that man and of course, leaving her late night job as a file clerk for a hospital and being cornered in an alleyway.

 

“Finn, do you still have some homework to catch up on?” she asked her son, trying not to start crying or something equally condemning.

 

He nodded.

 

“Head upstairs and get it done before Burt gets home, kay?”

 

When he left, she sat down at the kitchen table and wiped her eyes. She had been so young and had no idea about the bad things that could happen to a woman alone. She had just locked up and closed the door when he pressed the mass of his weight up against her. He was middle-aged and large in size and stature. She pulled away but she could not get out of his grip. She could not get away from him as he put a hand down her blouse and ripped it open.

 

She couldn’t stop him from raping her in the alleyway outside of her own workplace and then walking off like he had done nothing.

 

She closed her eyes as tears squeezed out of them. It had been a long time since remembering that night had led her to tears. It wasn’t fair. She was all cried out over that night. Now, Trina had also brought up a question that she had left behind years ago. Yes, part of her did question Finn’s paternity.

 

 _“Don’t worry about that if you don’t want to worry about that,” Christopher had told her, running the flat of his hand over her stomach. He smiled at her in a way that was so adoring it melted away all of her fears. “If you choose to worry about it, I can’t and don’t want to change it, but just know Carole, that I am always going to be here for you. He is my son if you choose for him to be, regardless of anything in the world.”_

 

God, she had loved that man so much. He had picked up the pieces when there were hardly any pieces left. She had honest-to-god been ready to kill herself. She had been completely catatonic, unable to live with the grim reality of her rape and Christopher and leaned close, comforted her and made her feel loved and beautiful again.

 

She had almost killed herself again when the world had been cruel enough to take him away from her, just a few short years later, when he had hardly put together the broken pieces enough. The glue wasn’t strong enough and she was shattered again, but like his father, Finn kept her alive, whether or not he was biologically Christopher’s son.

 

Christopher Hudson would always be that child’s father.

 

She took a deep breath and calmed her heart but at the same time, tears kept on flowing. She leaned into the kitchen table and closed her eyes. She heard the door open a few minutes later. Oh, thank god. Burt had been unable to come to the performance because the shop needed him to stay late but Carole had never needed her husband more.

 

If there was one man who loved her as much as Christopher had, it was Burt. He was her everything and she couldn’t imagine what her life would be like now if Kurt hadn’t introduced the two of them. She got up and quickly rushed into the front room.

 

“Carole? What’s wrong?”

 

He set down his things and immediately took her into his arms in a tight hug. She hugged him, breathing deeply and crying on his shoulder. She told him in short breaths what happened to her. “At Finn’s show tonight…” she sobbed out.

  
“What’s wrong? Is Finn okay?”

 

She nodded. “He’s – he’s okay but…his friend Sam, her mother is one of the women from my hometown, one of the other ones that _he_ raped. I can’t deal with that again. I can’t deal with that again Burt. I’ve been thinking about it for seventeen goddamned years, can it please go away now?”

 

He held her even tighter and slowly walked her over to the sofa. “It’s gonna be okay honey, it’s gonna be okay.”

 

She tried to ward off the memories and stick herself in the present, a present where she had an amazing husband and a beautiful family. Carole knew better than most the dangers of slipping into the past and her old life.


	2. Uncomfortable.

Finn Hudson was not dumb. He had realized almost immediately that something was going on with his mother. Ever since New Directions had put on that performance and his mom had run into Sam’s mom, she had changed. She was more fidgety, more jumpy and she looked like she was going to cry at any given minute. It worried Finn to death. This was his mother, after all, and before Burt and Kurt came into their lives it was just the two of them. He needed to be able to make sure his mom was okay.

He asked her if she was okay, of course, but she just dismissed him by telling him that she was fine. His next strategy was to go to Burt. Burt Hummel was sitting at the kitchen counter, eating something and making a face. Finn knew instantly that it was one of the meals Kurt had prepared for him. That stuff was nasty. “Uh Burt,” he said gently. “Can I ask you a question?”

Burt looked up from his food, still wincing. “Sure, kiddo, what’s up?”

Finn hesitated. “Is mom okay?” he finally asked. “She’s been acting really strange lately and I’m sort of worried about her. I asked her but she wouldn’t tell me…”

Burt paused, frowned and then smiled again, one of those forced smiles that people used when something was wrong. “Your mom’s been under a lot of stress lately,” he told Finn, patting him on the shoulder. “She’ll be alright though. She’s the strongest woman that I know and you don’t have to worry about her at all.”

“Uh thanks Burt,” he said, glancing down at the bowl Burt was eating from.

He looked down at it, shook his head at Finn and added, “Don’t ask, and don’t tell Kurt about the faces I’m making, deal?”

“Deal,” Finn said, leaving the house feeling a little awkward and sure that something was wrong with his mom. Burt had been extremely vague and Finn knew that people only really did that when they were avoiding the subject. If something was wrong with his mother, wouldn’t she tell him? They were always pretty close and it just made Finn nervous to think that something could be so wrong that his mom wouldn’t say. What could be so wrong that his mother wouldn’t tell him?

That afternoon, at glee rehearsal, Finn ran into Sam and decided to ask Sam. His mother had only been acting unusual since she spoke to Sam’s mother so there had to be a connection. Something wasn’t right. “Hey, dude,” he said, crossing over in front of Sam. Sam looked pretty much the same, but just a little bit tired. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Uh sure,” Sam said, walking with him towards their seats.

“Sam, uh, my mom has been acting odd since she met your mom at that show. I’m a little bit worried about her and I don’t really get what’s going on.”

Sam shifted and shook his head. “Not sure, dude,” he said. “I need to go talk to Santana about our date this weekend.”

It was obvious that Sam was trying to avoid talking to him, so Finn grabbed his arm, before he could get up and go talk to his girlfriend. “Sam, do you know something?” he asked. “Dude, my mom means a lot to me and I haven’t seen her look this depressed in a very long time. Do you know something about why she’s so upset?”

Sam swallowed, looked around and then leaned close to Finn. “Dude, the same thing that happened to your mom when she was younger happened to my mom,” he said, low. “I didn’t put two and two together either, but my mom let it slip after a few drinks. Your mom brought back some pretty bad memories for her and I’m sure that seeing my mom did the same for your mom.”

Finn was confused. “What do you mean, Sam?” he asked softly. “The same thing that happened to my mom? What happened to my mom?”

Sam stopped and shook his head, his eyes getting really big, but all traces of emotion disappearing from them a few moments later. He looked as though he was going to be sick, but he wasn’t expressing any other kind of emotion. “Finn, I can’t do this. I can’t do this okay? Just let it go. I’m sure that everything will go back to normal in a couple of days, just relax. It’ll all turn out okay.”

He had never seen Sam as such a jaded, sad person, but he was so obviously trying to hide his emotion with everything he had in him, as he walked off. Finn was confused and didn’t understand what was going on.

-

Sam quickly went to talk to Santana, but when that didn’t afford him very much time away from Finn’s confused eyes, he ducked out of the choir room altogether. He could not believe that Finn didn’t know. He could not be the one to tell Finn that his mom was raped years ago, because god, maybe it was better that Finn didn’t know. Sam wondered briefly if Finn was a child of the rape like he was, but he couldn’t let those thoughts go through his head. He could not imagine someone else suffering the way he had suffered. He could not imagine another kid having the fact that he was a child of a rape held over his head.

He didn’t blame his mother. If he was a woman and he was raped, he wouldn’t want a reminder of it walking around all the time either.

He went to the bathroom and locked himself in one of the stalls, leaning back against the wall and sighing. Every single time his mother came to have her visitations it was disaster. They just were not meant to get along, even though they were mother and son. Sam always tried to impress her, but there was just nothing that ever would.

After the show, where his mother had met Mrs. Hudson, Sam had quickly tried to introduce his mother to Santana. She had just smiled, shaking Santana’s hand and eying her chest with disapproval. She had told Sam that the glee club was very good, but there was nothing behind it, not a shred of enthusiasm. Sam hadn’t known what was wrong with her until they went out to dinner and his mother had a few .

“Carole,” she said, laughing softly and staring at her son over the half empty glass. “Carole Hudson was one of the first to go to the police. I think her husband made her. He fucked her in an alleyway, just the same as all the others. What the hell did he think was going to happen if he kept screwing little girls in the same area, huh? Of course he was going to get caught. I left town the second he was convicted. Why does he keep comin’ back, Sammy?”

His mother was a rambling drunk.

He had been horrified to find out that Finn’s mom went through all of that, but what could he really do. “I’m sorry mom,” he had said, picking at his food helplessly. “I’m just so sorry mom.”

He knew that this was going to get worse, before it got better, but at least his mother was only slated to be in Lima for another week. It was just a week and it would be over before they knew it. Sam had better things to do than worry about this.


	3. Reminders.

When Sam arrived home and his mother was there, sitting at the kitchen counter and talking to his father, Sam couldn’t help the nagging feeling of disappointment. He knew that it wasn’t alright for him to think of his mother that way. She was his mother for god’s sake and he should have adored her and always wanted her around, but at the same time, whenever she was around, Sam always felt a sense of hopelessness, uselessness. When his mother was around, Sam tended to feel like his very existence was a curse, a burden. He let out a tiny sigh before he joined them in the kitchen, not wanting to betray his feelings. “Hey guys,” he said, smiling at both of his parents.

 

“Hey Sammy boy,” his father said brightly. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m alright,” Sam told the man. “How are you guys?”

 

“We’re doing great Sam,” his mom responded.

 

“I was just telling Trina about some local places that you two can go while she’s here. Lima’s a small town but there’s still a lot that you can show her.”

 

Sam watched his father as he spoke. The man was tall, buff and definitely an All-American man, despite his inherent dorkiness. He had big ears and a wide smile whenever he talked. He enjoyed typical _male_ pastimes like football games and hunting. He was a very gentle, kind, man.

 

“I am looking forward to getting around town, getting to know it,” his mother said. She was like his father’s polar opposite, really. She was short, with short blonde hair and big eyes. She looked perpetually angry which always broke Sam’s heart. He was really pretty sure that it was the rape she endured sixteen years earlier that broke her. She never really recovered.

 

It wasn’t just the rape though. His mother was sullen where his dad was enthusiastic, she was city while he was country, and she was serious where he was a dork. They had never been destined to be. “I can’t wait to show you everything there is to see about Lima,” Sam lied. “First I gotta go to my room and get some homework done though, ok? I’ll talk to you guys in a little bit.”

  
He darted off to his room, never more thankful for the solace that it offered. He plopped down on his bed and closed his eyes. Things always became so hard when his mother came back into town and now that the connection between her and Finn’s mom was known, at least to him, it was even worse. He didn’t want to think about another woman tortured in the way that his mother was and he didn’t want to think about Finn not knowing and what it would mean when it came out. It was too much stress.

 

“Sam.”

 

He opened up his eyes and found his father staring at him. His father was not the most sensitive man in the world but he was perceptive when it came to his son’s needs. He walked up to Sam and stared at him. “Sammy, are you okay?” he asked. He grabbed the chair from Sam’s bedside desk and sat down in it. “I know that sometimes your mom’s visitations can be stressful but you’ve seemed really upset today and well, I can see it in Trina too. She doesn’t really seem alright at all, haunted even.”

 

Sam looked up, considered lying but immediately knew that he could not lie to his father. “You know my friend Finn?” he asked, sitting up against the headboard. “Well, his mom was…she came from the town that mom did. She was one of the women who…you know, it happened to.”

 

“Holy shit.”

 

Sam chuckled a little bit in spite of himself, because his dad’s reaction pretty much summed up how he was feeling about this whole episode. “It’s insane,” he admitted softly. “I didn’t realize it but mom had one too many at dinner the other night and blurted it out. It’s obviously messing with her head and I know that she’s even worse than usual.”

 

He looked up at his dad and then admitted what went down at school as well. It was all sort of on the line anyway. “Finn doesn’t know that his mom was raped years ago,” Sam muttered. “I guess his mom was sort of acting strange, since she met with Mom. So, Finn came to me after school and asked me if I knew why his mom was acting all weird and stuff.”

 

“Did you tell him?”

 

“Of course not,” Sam said. “I know that’s not my place. I told him that it would be okay. I felt bad for lying to him but there was nothing I could do.”

  
“What’s his mother’s name?”

 

“Um, Carole,” Sam said, remembering the woman’s name all of a sudden. “Her name is Carole Hudson-Hummel, cause she just married Kurt’s dad not long ago.”

 

“Alright, son. Well don’t worry about Finn and his mom. I think that you really gave Finn the best advice possible. It will get better.”

 

“Will it, Dad?” Sam asked. He couldn’t help how bitter his voice sounded. _It gets better_ was a great philosophy but it had never really worked out for his mom. It didn’t get better, it just festered and became worse.

 

“Yes it will, Sam, trust me. Do you feel up for showing your mom the town?”

 

“Sure. Let me actually try out that homework.”

 

Sam got up and his father did as well, vacating the desk for his work. He had a lot on his mind, but it took him longer than most kids to get this stuff done, so he had to try. He watched his father leave the room and then took the chair, opening up the history book that he had left closed on his desk earlier. He didn’t make it far in his homework though, because he began to think about his mother and the first time he realized that he was a product of rape.

 

He was seven.

 

 _“He’s not your son!” Trina Evans screamed at her husband, rage evident in her eyes. She was drunk and stumbling. Sam was almost too young to understand the emotion of rage, but he knew that was what he saw in his mother. His mother was enraged like some kind of cartoon villain. Sam almost expected to see steam blowing out of her mouth and nose. “He is not your son, damn it! He’s the son of some bastard who decided to ruin my life! Stop acting like that bastard child is your son.”_

 _Sam swallowed as he realized that his mom called him a bastard. He didn’t know what that was but he knew from what he’d heard that it was bad._

 _“Trina,” his father soothed softly. Sam had never seen his father so calm, but he supposed he had to be, to balance out the lightning bolts in his mother’s eyes. “I know that you’re upset Trina and you have every right to be, but we agreed before Sammy was born that he is my son and I love him as my son. I love and cherish him and am grateful for the fact that he was brought into my life. I know I don’t show my emotions often T, but I am damned glad that boy entered our world. I don’t know what I’d do without him and I know that you love him just the same as I do.”_

 _“You made me keep him!” she hissed. “You guilted me with that stupid sob story about your infertility. It’s not my fault you can’t have kids, it never was! You took advantage of the fact that I was raped!”_

 _“Sweetheart, you’re drunk…”_

 _“I hate that kid. I hate that I can see that fucking…that man in my head when I see him. I want him to go away.”_

Sam wiped his eyes, trying to keep the memory as far away from him as possible. His family had healed since then. His parents had divorced when he was eight to keep him away from his mother’s negativity. His father obtained full custody when he was nine. His mother had gone to therapy after the divorce and they had made amends over her resentment. She obtained visitations to him when he was eleven and they had a heart-to-heat about their past when he was fifteen.

 

Still, Sam knew that his mother was not okay. It had never been okay and he was certain that Finn’s mother Carole would cause a relapse right while his mom was staying with them.


	4. Answers.

Finn was worried about his mother, so finally he decided to just say so and ask her what was going on. Sam had implied that there was something about their mother’s connection that caused this. It was important that Finn knew because, well, this was his mother! He found her upstairs in the hallway when he finally got the courage to ask her. She turned around and looked at him, somewhat confused.

“Mom, I need to talk to you,” he said clearly. He knew that it was kind of low, but his mother was much more likely to listen to him when she thought that he was the one with a problem. He led her over to his bedroom and then asked her what he needed to ask her. “I’m worried about you. I wanted to know: did seeing Sam’s mom hurt you somehow? Sam seemed to know what I was talking about when I asked him if it could have hurt you and I just really, really worry about you, Mom.”

She paused for a moment and then gestured towards his bed. "Sit down Finn," she said softly. He obediently moved across the room and sat down. His mother sat at his side and looked him over for a moment, before she decided to speak. "I was attacked when I was younger," she said delicately. "I was....sexually assaulted. I really never thought I'd have to tell you this, but I don't want you worrying about me. I'm okay Finn, it was years ago, but meeting Trina again did hurt me. She was attacked by the same man a month earlier. We were two of five women who testified against the man. It brought back some difficult memories."

Finn paused for a moment, taking in what his mother was saying. "You were...sexually assaulted..." he mumbled as he thought it over. "Mom, are you telling me that someone raped you?" He didn't mean for it to come out so bluntly and when she averted her eyes, he panicked. He had not meant to say it like that. "I'm sorry Mom, I don't...I'm just...shocked and I..."

"It's alright Finn. You're a grown boy and it was silly of me to try and soften the blow. Yeah. It was a long time ago and it was bad but it's okay. It'll get better."

"Sam knew," Finn mumbled softly, dealing with an overwhelming urge to hug his mom. It seriously put a hole in his heart to realize that his mom, his strong, confident and loving mother, was raped. He finally gave in and leaned over and hugged his mom tightly. She paused, surprised, but hugged him back. He tried to be strong and do the best that he could, to comfort her. “Sam knew but wouldn’t say.”

His mother frowned, reaching out and brushing his cheek with the back of her hand. “Don’t worry about this, alright Finn?” she said, her voice strong but a little bit forced. “It was a long time in the past and it’s over. I guess we just forget sometimes that even adults can have bad memories come back to haunt them.”

“How long ago was this?” Finn asked softly. “Did Dad know?”

She spoke slowly. “It was a year before you were born,” she said tensely. “Christopher knew as well. He was very supportive of me and got me through it. You would not believe what a good man your father was. Very few men could handle something like that, you know.”

“I’m glad,” Finn mumbled slowly, thinking about his father. He had never known his father but he always admired the man. His mother painted him as a hero and Finn believed that she wasn’t building him up. He was a soldier, a husband, a hero and now Finn knew that he saved his mother from the most unthinkable pain. His father had been brave and strong and well, nothing like him.

Finn paused. A year before he was born. Could that possibly mean nine months before he was born in a roundabout kind of way? He swallowed and shook his head. “Mom,” he said. “I know that this is probably really out of line, but you didn’t…get pregnant from…” He couldn’t say it so he stopped. That was so out of line. That was so out of line and he needed to shut his mouth before he said something so wrong.

“No.”

Finn paused, realizing just how quickly she said that.

She spoke again, slower. “I mean, nothing is quite certain,” she said delicately. “There was doubt back then but there is no doubt in my mind that you are Christopher’s son. There is so much of your father in you that you should never, ever worry about that.”

It wasn’t very convincing but Finn was accepting of that. If his mother believed that he was Christopher Hudson’s son then Finn believed it too.

“I’m so sorry for upsetting you Finn.”

“Oh god no, mom, you can’t apologize for something horrible like that!” he yelled. “I just want to protect you. I just wanted to make you feel better.”

With that, Carole reached over and hugged her son tightly. “Finn,” she said, seriously. “I was at the lowest point of my life after what happened to me. My life was saved by two men, my wonderful husband and our baby boy. You gave me a reason to live when I was scared I wouldn’t go on. I love you.”

“I love you too Mom; I love you so much.”

She let him go and then smiled. She hated that she had to tell him that but he did all he could. He clung tightly to her for a second and then let go. “I have to go make dinner Finn,” Carole said softly. “I’ll call you down when it’s done. I don’t want you to worry about this anymore. It’s all in the past and it’s gonna get better.” She walked downstairs. She really hated that she had to tell him all those horrible things but he was a grown man. He was a strong man and she had to be honest.

Carole quickly walked downstairs and started dinner. Her thoughts drifted from her son to Trina. During the trial they had both been terrified young women who had banded together out of unlikely and horrible circumstances. They had a lot in common, being young newlywed women from the same town, so they spoke often. She wasn’t sure what she had seen, meeting Trina again but the woman had seemed dark and jaded. Finn mentioned that Sam knew what his mother went through and it just gave off bad vibes to Carole, even though she had just told Finn about what she endured.

Maybe seeing Trina and her son Sam would help somehow.


	5. Never gone.

Finn was a little bit surprised when his mom caught him on his way out the door. “Finn,” she said, smiling a little too forcefully. “Would you mind telling Sam, at school today, that I would love to get a chance to chat with him and of course, with his mother? It’d be really helpful for me and hey, I’d love to hear a little more from Trina about, you know, everything.” Her voice was a little tense, naturally and it made Finn uncomfortable but of course he agreed.

“Sure Mom, no problem.”

Even though it made him uncomfortable, Finn had never been one to directly disobey his mom and he knew that this meant a lot to her. He found Sam after fifth period that day and laid on the question. Sam seemed even more disturbed than he was. “Dude,” he said. “My mom wants to meet you and your mom.”

“Why?” Sam asked immediately.

“I dunno. To talk and stuff I guess. She told me what happened to her as a kid. I guess that kind of stuff is good, I dunno, talking and everything. I’m not an expert on that.”

Sam was pretty quick to snappily reply, “Nobody really is.”

Sam groaned. He knew oh-too-well that seeing Finn’s mom would only set his mom off and make her more difficult to deal with. He only had the rest of the week to go and then it would go back to normal. It would be Sam and his dad and nothing to worry about. He just had to keep it normal as long as he could. “I dunno if my mom would be up for seeing her,” he said aloud, “bad memories and all…but, maybe I could drop by after school?”

He didn’t know why he said that. He practically slapped a hand over his mouth as it came out. He did not want to see Finn’s mom at all. He did not want to take any part in the uncomfortable blast from the past. He did not want to be exposed to another woman haunted with the same demons that had plagued his mom throughout his entire life. Still, he had to own up to a curiosity that probably was the reason behind the words just being blurted out like that.

“Yeah that’d be cool dude. I’ll meet you out front.”

So yeah, he agreed to visit Mrs. Hudson-Hummel, Finn’s mom, another woman with the same demons. He had no idea why.

She was just as surprised to see him, it seemed, looking him over with bright gentle eyes.

Sam was anything but comfortable sitting in an unfamiliar kitchen across from a woman he knew was violated in the same way as his mother. Carole Hudson-Hummel seemed like a nice, friendly woman but still she scared him. She intimidated him and made him want to draw back up into himself. She took a seat across from Sam and gave him a sharp, genuine smile that was undeniably mothering. "Tell me more about yourself, Sam," she said pleasantly.

"I don't really know what to say," he admitted nervously. He was kind of intimidated by her personality and couldn’t stop staring, but he tried to answer as best as he could. "Uh, I just moved here with my dad. I play football with Finn..."

"You enjoy that?" Carole asked. "I know it's a passion of Finn's. I've become a football mom lately. Both my late husband and Burt shared that passion so I'm starting to grow to love the sport."

"Uh, Mr. Hummel sounds like an awesome guy," Sam said quickly, determined to have some conversation between them that was not directed at him. "He and my dad would probably get along really well. It seems like they have a lot in common, though my dad is kind of a dork."

The woman smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling. She was a very pretty woman and appeared to be happy. He liked that. He wished that his mom could be happy in the way that Mrs. Hudson was. "Oh honey," she said. "My husband is as dorky as it gets. What does your dad do for a living?"

Sam spoke quietly, watching Mrs. Hudson carefully.

"My dad works for a factory, something with machine parts. He had an offer in Lima and he just couldn't refuse, I guess."

“What about your mom?” Carole asked gently. It was the question that Sam was dreading being asked but he had put himself in this situation, so he tried his best to answer her questions honestly.

“Mom’s alright,” he said. “She works for this design place down South. She’s really creative and they give her a flexible schedule so she can come see me and Dad, which is pretty good, right? She’s…different. Quiet sometimes. It’s weird having her down here with me and my dad. Since we moved to Lima we haven’t seen her as much.” And I like it that way, Sam supplied mentally, feeling guilty for his discomfort with his own mother.

“I see,” she said. She seemed a little saddened by that.

“I wanted to come see you today, Mrs. Hudson…”

“Call me Carole,” she supplied.

“Carole,” he murmured. “I wanted to come see you today to let you know that Mom might not be so…she might not want to come see you. She’s really messed up in the head sometimes and it might just be a bad idea, y’know? Not that I won’t tell her or anything because that would be rude and I’m not trying to be rude just warning you.”

“Oh I see,” Carole mumbled in response. “I can understand why she would want to avoid seeing me. I just hoped that maybe we could see how the both of us have done in the last few years. If she says no, I won’t be upset at all. Just have her let you know and you can tell Finn and pass it on to me.”

“Awesome,” Sam said dryly.

“Why don’t you and Finn go hang out?” she asked. “He’s probably upstairs playing video games or something. I’m sure you don’t want to spend the rest of your afternoon with some random old lady.”

Sam smiled at the friendly woman, knowing that their conversation was probably the most awkward the woman had ever endured.

“Hey,” he said, peeking into the door of Finn’s bedroom, knocking lightly on the doorframe. Finn was indeed sprawled out on the floor playing video games. “Can I come in?”

Finn looked up. “Oh, Sam, hey. How’d it go with my mom?”

Sam shrugged a little bit, unsure of what to say to that. “It went alright,” he said. “I’m not even sure why I wanted to see your mom, honestly. I just wanted to kind of warn her that it might not go so well, her seeing my mom and I just also wanted to see what she was like. Is that weird?”

“What do you mean?”

Sam sat at the end of the other teen’s bed and yawned. “I mean, I know that she and my mom went through the same thing. They were both raped by the same man. I wanted to see if your mom was anything like mine, if that’s not weird to say.” He looked at Finn and for an instant he was overwhelmed with jealousy toward the other boy. It wasn’t fair that Finn had a mom who seemed to love him and make the best of her life situation. It wasn’t fair that Finn wasn’t seen as a constant reminder of a crappy life situation.  
He looked away from Finn before he got the urge to punch the other boy in the face.

It became even worse when Finn asked him in a soft voice, “How long have you known what happened to your mom Sam?”

Sam choked and nearly got up and decked Finn like he desired, but instead leaned back. “Since I was seven, dude,” he said softly. “I didn’t even know what it meant to be raped but I knew that someone had forced mom to have me. I knew that I was a messed up product of something that made her cry.”

Finn was rendered speechless and that was nice. He paused the video game and then got up onto the bed and looked Sam in the eye. “Mom said that I wasn’t…you know, from the rape, but she didn’t know for sure,” he said quietly. “I can tell that she didn’t know for sure and was just…she didn’t want to consider it.”

“Well dude,” Sam said. “That’s a reality for me. You’re better off not knowing.”


	6. Never healed.

"Mom, uh, Finn's mom Carole wants to talk to you again."

Trina snapped to attention at her son's soft spoken and nervous statement. She had been a wreck since meeting Carole again; why would Carole want to meet her? "D-did she say why, Sam?" she asked tensely. She, of course, betrayed her nerves to her perceptive son. She was not sure that she could handle meeting Carole again. Carole was so strong and brave and seemed to have everything together. Carole was amazing and they had no reason to talk to each other aside from recollection about the worst moment in their lives.

“I don’t really know,” Sam said, shifting and looking around. He would rather be anywhere but there and Trina could tell. It hurt. “I think it might be good for you though mom, you should consider it.” He shook his head from side to side as if to stop something he was thinking of saying from coming out. He reached into his jeans’ pocket and handed his mother a scrap of paper. “This is her phone number. I gotta head up to my room.”

Trina knew that Sam hated her. Watching his eyes flicker around before he darted off, she could sense all the fear and hate that was in her son. He hated her and wanted nothing more than to be as far from her as possible. He never said that, of course, but it wasn’t difficult to interpret. Usually she tried to ignore Sam’s dislike of her but still, it wasn’t right. A kid shouldn’t be anxious or afraid of being around his mother.

Trina knew that she had given him no reason to act in any other way. She had always put a wall up between the two of them. She had never given her son true affection and always deferred things to his father when Sam was in need. That gap between them had always been there and she wasn’t sure it would ever be bridged. She was the one who had created the gap between mother and son.

Was there ever supposed to be a gap between mother and son?

She was the worst mother ever and she hated herself for it, but it wasn’t her fault! Sam reminded her of how helpless she had been. Sam had reminded her of what it felt like to be alone and scared and victimized in the worst way possible. Sam had reminded her of what it meant to be helpless and have nobody else there. Sam had reminded her of what it felt like to want to die the way she had after the rape was over.

She wondered, of course, if meeting Carole Hudson would do her any good. She could barely remember Carole from the old time but remembered that she smiled a lot and tried to keep her positivity, even through the strain of the trial. She remembered that Carole had a very handsome husband by her side, always supporting her. She had never even known that Carole was pregnant though, where she had started showing before the trial had finished.

She wondered if Carole’s child Finn was her son’s half brother by a heinous act. It wasn’t a great way to be related but then at least Sam would have a family worthy of him, not just a mother who made him uncomfortable and determined to be as far away from her as possible. Maybe if she talked to Carole she could give Sam something that he undoubtedly deserved, because in spite of the horrible things she had done to her son, well, Trina loved him with all of her heart. He deserved more than a dorky father who tried to keep a crumbling wall held up and a mother he couldn’t touch.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Trina.”

Ryan stood behind her with his arms crossed. Sometimes, Trina wondered if her ex-husband still loved her. He had loved her so much back before Sam was born and he tried his best to love her through all of their struggle and strain. He was a soft, simple and gentle man. He was so much like Sam that sometimes she pretended he was Sam’s biological father. It was believable, even though they didn’t look much alike. They certainly behaved alike.

She hated that her relationship with Ryan had ended so horribly. He finally broke and told her straight up that he couldn’t live with a woman as broken as she was. He couldn’t do anything to fix her and he and Sam deserved better. It was cruel but it was true and she commended him for doing it. He had probably saved himself and his son from the darkness that was who she was. He had done everything he could and still tried to do all he could even though they were no longer married.

“Sam told me that Carole Hudson wants to see me,” she mumbled, shaking her head from side to side. “I’m not sure if I should do it.”

Ryan walked over to the kitchen counter and sat at the stool behind it. “I think that you should, Trina,” he said simply. He poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher left on the counter and yawned a little bit. “I think it would be a very positive healing experience for you.”

“I’m just not sure that I can do it.”

“You never really healed, Trina. It would probably be good for you. I think that Sam would appreciate it too.”

She sighed a little bit. “I think you’re right Ryan,” she said softly, looking at the phone number in her hands. She then went upstairs to go call Carole Hudson. Maybe she could finally heal and Sam could have something, anything that he so very much deserved. It was a hope of hers, something she hoped she could accomplish.


	7. Healing.

The coffee shop was a bit far from the house, but Carole figured that it would be the best place for Trina. The woman had seemed absolutely terrified when she agreed to meet with Carole and if her son’s hesitance was any indication, she was not at all okay with this. Carole had chosen a place a bit further that could be private and was withdrawn from the gossip mill of inner Lima. She got out of the car and walked into the coffee shop. The smaller woman was already there. “Trina, hi sweetie,” she said.

“Carole,” Trina mumbled and yeah, she was terror-stricken. Carole could tell that she was terrified and it hurt.

“Well let’s order something and then go take a table,” Carole said, considering the fact that Trina had been standing idly near the entrance. She felt the woman’s tension from a foot away. Poor thing. Carole walked up to the counter and ordered an espresso, standing aside for Trina to order as well. “Don’t worry hon, I’ve got it.” She paid for their drinks and then led the way. She was taking charge because it was the only way she knew how to handle this.

“You would not imagine how hard it is to get time away from the family,” she said shaking her head. “The kids are older, of course, but my husband has health issues and teenagers can be freakishly demanding.”

“They can,” Trina said, offering a small smile.

“Plus my stepson goes to school in Westerville.”

“Oh, why?” Trina asked awkwardly. She shifted around in her seat. “That’s pretty far from here, isn’t it? I think it is at least.”

“It is,” she said. “Kurt was enduring a lot of bad bullying here, so we sent him to this private school, Dalton Academy. It’s been very good for him.”

“Oh that’s good; bullies are…not something a kid should have to deal with.”

Carole nodded, wrapping a hand around her cup. “Kurt’s a very good kid,” she said. “I’m lucky to have him.”

“You were just remarried, right?” Trina asked, trying her best to make conversation but she still just radiated anxiety.

“Yes, in November,” Carole said softly.

“That’s great,” Trina murmured softly. “I haven’t had much luck in relationships after Ryan and I divorced. You’re lucky though; you seem to have really expanded into a great family.”

“Well, look at Sam,” Carole said softly. “He seems like such a nice kid from our brief meeting the other day. He and Finn are very alike in many ways.”

Trina’s averted her eyes and then looked back at Carole, nodding. Carole knew that there very well could be a genetic reasoning why Sam and Finn were so alike but she refused to talk about it. She refused to even think about it. “Sam is a very good kid,” she said and Carole could sense something lacing her voice; was it guilt? She seemed to be very guilty over something. “He’s very smart, even though he has trouble in school. He’s also got a great spirit.”

“It’s so funny that our sons would meet like this,” Carole said softly. “Has Sam always enjoyed singing?”

“I think so,” Trina said uncertainly. “I remember he used to sing a lot when he was a little kid, but he’s never really shown interest in performing before he and Ryan moved here. I was surprised to learn that he had joined the glee club.”

“That’s similar to Finn,” Carole responded. “I mean, he’s always liked to sing, but this was an unexpected development. It’s really good for him though.”

“Those two boys seem to be so alike,” Trina lamented under her breath. “Tall, goofy, athletic…”

“Not the smartest but bright and cheerful with a good heart.”

“I know that they may not be biologically related,” Trina ventured carefully, her face uncomfortable, “but I would love if they explored their possible relation a little more. I mean, I know that you don’t know if Finn was but Sam deserves good connections, a good family. I really would love it if you two were in his life more.”

Carole was shocked at that. “Trina?” she asked. “The boys are friends…”

“I know,” the woman said, tears causing her eyes to waver a little bit. “I just mean…Sam has had it tough. I never healed Carole, I never got over the rape at all. I never did. I never did and I took it out on Sam. I’m a horrible mother and he tries his best to stay away from me, even though I only see him a week or so out of the month. I just…I don’t know what to do anymore. I think Ryan moved so that he wouldn’t have to deal with my negativity, my burden.”

Carole had to admit that she had immediately caught Trina’s negative aura. She looked around herself uncomfortably. “Trina…”

“I hurt Sammy so much because of this stupid rape. How can you be such a strong mother? How can you love and adore your son and not treat him like a potential burden? I just don’t understand and I hate that you’re not Sam’s mom, you know?”

“Trina, you can be a better mother to Sam, if you feel that you’re lacking.”

“I don’t feel that I’m lacking,” Trina admitted, crunching her now-empty coffee cup in between her hands. “I’m lacking. Sam looks at me like he’s afraid of me, even though I’ve never abused him in my life. Well, maybe I have abused him deep down. I just…he’s haunted and jaded and he’s seventeen freaking years old.”   
Carole bit her lip and then got up, walking to the other side of the table and hugging the woman. She didn’t know her at all but she felt her. She felt the pain she was going through, the insecurity and the inadequacy. She felt the parts that were jaded and afraid and felt wrong. She hugged the other woman close to her. “It’s going to be alright Trina. Sweetheart, I’ll help you. We can work together and you can talk to Sam.”

“I’ve never healed,” the woman admitted.

“I’ll help you.”


	8. Strength.

“You know, your folks were more adamant about this gravesite than I was," Carole said softly, finding her deceased husband's memorial marker with ease, even though it had been a long time since she last visited it. He had been cremated and she had the ashes with her but his parents had insisted on memorializing their son as the fallen hero he truly was. Her drive had led her to the memorial sight because well, she needed to have a conversation with a dead man and needed to be alone. She needed a few well-deserved moments of peace like anyone else who had a lot on their mind. "Thank them for me, would you Chris? It's nice, so quiet out here and you always did deserve this kind of memorial...I...we never had enough time, Chris, never, ever enough time.”

She sat down next to the plaque, laughing at her statement, because God, it was the freaking understatement of the century. He had been taken from her and taken away from his baby son right when he needed them most. He had been taken from a vulnerable wife and a baby. Of course, they had come out of it strong so he had done something right. They were strong then and they were strong to the very day.

"The time we had was so damned precious though," she whispered. "You saved my life. I swear Chris; I would have taken my own life if not for you." She had honestly felt capable of suicide back then. She had never understood rape before it had happened to her. She had never even fathomed how her life could be changed by one moment in time. She was warped and still, Chris held on to her. He grabbed her by the hand and never, ever let her go. He showed her the strength within herself that she never knew existed.

"Do you remember that girl?" She couldn't help cry. It was a natural reaction to being so close to a reminder of her loss. She had lost him but he was always there with her and with Finn. "She was so weak Chris. She had been hurt and she had no idea how she was going to survive. You saved us. Finn and I, we struggled without you but you gave me the strength to keep going for him. I kept going for him and he’s your spitting image. He’s just like you.”

She sighed a little bit, touching the stone and really feeling it beneath her fingers. It was very quiet. The only person in the vicinity was too far to really see.

“There’s this woman, Trina,” she said. “She never healed in the same way that I did. I need to be as strong as you were to help her get through. You truly helped me get through and that means the world to me, really.” She closed her eyes and tried her best to think positively, think about her strengths and the ways she was like her deceased husband, rather than the ways that she was nothing like him.

She had come so far. She had raised a son as a single mother in a small town where it wasn’t easy to raise a kid well. She had kept up a job, maintained a universe for her and her baby boy. Now, years later, Finn was a man his father would be proud of and she was rebuilding, regrouping and improving her situation all the time. She was remarried; she had a beautiful family and was happy. At the same time, there had been fallbacks, setbacks, but at least she was strong. She was always strong.

Trina had never been the strong person that she always wanted to be. She really had never healed from the rape that had taken her innocence and her outlook on the world. She had hurt her son so much and was just this swirling ball of negativity. She had to get better. She had to change and be more like Carole. She had to be a mother worthy of her son. She had to talk to her son. She had to apologize, she had to do something. She had to make right the things that she had been making wrong for so long.

The only problem was: she had no idea how that was to be done. She could not make good on years of bad in an instant. She could not make everyone’s life better just because she realized she was doing it wrong all along. There was really only one person who might have an idea where she could began and she had hurt him too. “Ryan,” she said softly, approaching her ex-husband with hesitance. She knew that she had burdened the poor man almost as much as she did with Sam. “I talked to Carole Hudson today.”

“And?” he asked curiously, raising an eyebrow and looking up at her.

“I realized what a failure that I am honestly,” she admitted quietly. “I realize that I’ve been hurting Sam for years. I realize that I keep hurting Sam and I keep hurting you. I’ve let one incidence rule my entire life and define who I am. I absolutely can’t handle it. I never healed and I poisoned everyone. I have to fix that Ryan, I have to fix that. I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I have been the same woman I am right now for the last seventeen years.”

To her surprise, he smiled.

“What?” she asked.

“I have been waiting to hear you say that for seventeen years,” he said softly. “You know, I’ve always tried my best for you. I’ve always tried my best to keep things stable and strong. I just never had an idea how to help you. I never had an idea what push you needed to get things back together. I think that maybe this Carole woman might be the push that you need. I think that this is a golden opportunity.”

“I want to apologize to Sam,” she said. “I want to start by making good with my baby.”

“There’s your answer then,” Ryan said softly, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. “I think you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for, sweetheart. I think you’ve always held a lot more of the answers than you knew. Sam’s been hurting for a long time. I’ve tried my best to alleviate it, but what can you do for a kid who knows he’s the product of rape and his mom is so hurt by that same rape?”

“I’ve made him feel to blame, haven’t I?”

He nodded. “I think we should talk to Sam, T,” he said quietly. “I mean, you need to talk to him first and foremost but I will support you. We may not be married any more but I want to heal what you and Sam have and I want Sam to know the woman I married. I’m here for you Trina.”

She nodded, slowly.


	9. Apologies and do-overs.

Sam was very nervous when he was called downstairs for a “talk” with his parents. Now, for most teenage guys, he was pretty sure that was a regular occurrence but for him it never had been. His parents also never worked together. It was just natural that if there was ever anything that needed to be talked about it would be one or the other doing the talking. He walked down into the kitchen and he had to admit his face fell a little at their expressions. They both looked so serious.

“Mom, Dad, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, moving into the living room and sitting down on the sofa.

“Sam,” his father said. “Your mother really wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What?” he asked simply.

“Well Sammy,” she said delicately, sitting down on the sofa next to her son. Sam tensed a little naturally when she got too close. “When I was a young woman something happened to me that warped our relationship. I know that it’s been hurting you for a long time; believe me when I say that it’s been hurting me too. I want to take every step possible to rebuild our relationship with one another. I want to be close to you. I want to be there for you.”

He had to admit that he saw red in that moment.

“Something happened?” he asked, standing up and staring down his mother. “Something happened that warped our relationship? Mom, I love you but don’t ever talk about it like that. Let’s be blunt here. You were raped as a kid, something I can’t even begin to understand but it didn’t just warp our relationship. I came from that rape. That rape created our relationship because it created my existence. That rape is why you can’t even treat me like your kid.”

His mom looked like she was ready to cry but she didn’t.  His father clenched his jaw, looking kind of like he did when he was angry but Sam knew better. He wasn’t angry; he was shocked at Sam’s actually saying it, but he wasn’t angry. He nodded slowly. Sam’s mom shook her head from side to side but she wasn’t denying it at all. “I am so sorry Sam,” she whispered. “I let it take hold of me and I never did what I knew was right.”

“What was right?” Sam asked. “Getting rid of the rape baby you had?”

“Sam, please,” his father said but Sam could also tell that it was just to keep him from hurting her too much.

The woman got closer and Sam didn’t back away. He watched her as she shook her head and opened her mouth. “I don’t know what the right thing was but it wasn’t what I did. I never let go, I never moved on and I never healed myself. I don’t really know how but I am going to do my best by you Sam.”

He considered that. He wasn’t sure that his mother could change but at least she had confronted it. At least she had admitted what she’d done to him. It was something that surprised him and left him standing there caught off guard. “Mom,” he mumbled low. “I just don’t understand, you know that? Finn’s mom is so cool. She’s so in control of everything and takes care of her family. She’s just so good…”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be her. I’m sorry that a woman like her couldn’t be your mother Sam. I am so sorry.”

“I love you Mom but I can’t accept that apology yet.”

Sam very quickly took that opportunity to get up and go to his room. He didn’t stay there long though. He had to go somewhere else and he had to talk to someone who understood what was going on. In what seemed like only a few minutes time he was in Finn’s bedroom, telling the frightened boy his story.

“My mom apologized to me,” Sam told Finn, shaking his head from side to side. “She actually _apologized_ for all the hell she put my through. She apologized for making me feel like dirt and not being a mother about it. I just don’t even know what to say to her about it. I told her that I couldn’t forgive her, not yet, not until she proves to me that things are going to change, but man, I don’t know what to do. “

“What do you mean, making you feel like dirt?” Finn asked, caught on that point.

“I mean making me feel like the kid of a rape all my life, Finn.” Sam looked up with darkness in his eyes. “I mean, your mom, she’s an angel. She’s so good to you and she went through the same stuff. She’s never treated you like she resents you, has she? I just don’t even know what to think about this apology.”

Finn was shocked. He had always known that his mother was amazing but he had never considered that there was any other option. “I heard my mom say that I was just a messed up product of what happened to her,” Sam continued. “I mean…I was so young and I don’t know if I can forgive her. I truly want to believe that she’s going to get better but at the same time, I dunno man. She’s just so negative. Every single time you get near my mom you’re kind of sucked into her negative attitude. I just don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I should trust that she’s going to get better.”

“My mom’s helping her right?”

“Yeah, that’s what kind of gave her the shining idea, I guess,” Sam mumbled.

“If my mom’s helping her then she’ll get better,” Finn said. Finn usually didn’t sound like he had a clue about things and if he was being honest, he didn’t get much, but he understood that his mother was in control and could help. “She’s kinda amazing like that.”

“I guess you’re right.”

They both sat in silence for awhile, something that neither of them were used to, when Carole came upstairs. “Sam, are you alright?” she asked, peeking her head in the door. “Trina just called and said you took off in a bit of a fit and wanted to see if you came over here.”

“Tell her I’m fine,” Sam said, forcing a smile. “Finn and I were just hanging out.”

“Would you like to stay over for dinner?”

Sam nodded.


	10. Realizations.

Eating dinner with the Hudson-Hummel family was weird for Sam. Kurt wasn't there, so it was just Finn, Finn's mom and Mr. Hummel. Mr. Hummel was an enthusiastic man who smiled at Sam and talked to him rather casually. Sam decided pretty quickly that he liked Kurt’s dad. "It's nice to get to meet you," he said. "I kept telling Kurt that I wanted to meet more of the glee kids but so far I've only really met a couple of the girls personally. I heard that you transferred earlier this year. How do you like McKinley so far? I went there in High School; it's quite the place sometimes.”

"You can say that again Mr. Hummel," Sam said, chuckling darkly at the thought. McKinley High School wasn’t exactly the best school he’d attended by a long shot. Kurt’s father probably realized that with the way his son was bullied out of it.

"Call me Burt, please. I definitely know there can be some challenges but with kids like you and Finn I'm sure it's a lot easier than it was for us back in the day."

"Uh yeah," Sam said, exchanging a glance with Finn. He wasn’t quite sure what that meant but it seemed to be a generally positive thing being said. He shrugged a little bit and then focused on his food, hoping the conversation would steer away from him. Sam had no such luck, of course.

"Honey, did you know that Sam was on the football team with Finn?" Carole asked. "He's really good from what I hear."

"Finn's better," Sam mumbled, still looking down.

Finn shook his head. "Not really," he said honestly. "I hate to admit it but I think Sam and I are like the same person sometimes. We've got like a lot in common."

"So I've heard," Burt said. "I think similarities are a pretty good basic for a strong friendship."

"I'm hoping Finn and I can get closer," Sam admitted. Finn nodded pretty enthusiastically.

Carole kept giving Sam odd looks throughout the dinner which was a tad unnerving, but honestly he liked hanging out with Finn's family. They were pretty cool; they were also kind of like the family he had always imagined he would have. He felt guilty for thinking like that but they lived such a comfortable life and seemed to be really, really comfortable with each other. He had heard that mixed families tended to have trouble and stuff but that was not the case for these people.

"Sam," Carole said. "I was hoping you and Trina could meet me and Finn for lunch this weekend. Trina said it'd be a good idea but she wasn't sure if you'd agree."

Sam felt the slightest bit coerced but he took a drink and agreed.

"Yeah sure, that'd be fantastic."

Maybe if Finn claimed that Carole could work magic, she really could. Maybe she could help his mom get better.  
Dinner was over pretty quickly and after he helped clean up, Sam headed back home. He was thankfully able to avoid his parents because he didn’t exactly want to have another talk. He got up to his room and then lay down on his bed. He started thinking about rape and the act of being raped but not in the context he had thought about it his entire life. For once, he was not thinking about rape as this horrible life-ruining act that had caused his very existence, but was thinking of it as a life-ruining act that had hurt such good women.

He had seen the old photographs of his mom and he had to imagine there had been a time when she wasn’t so sad or so jaded about the world around her. She had loved his father and they seemed to be such a happy, cute, typical couple. He tried to imagine his mom as an average woman who loved her husband and was just beginning to live when some man had attacked her outside of her workplace and raped her.

He imagined the helplessness of being raped and felt sick to his stomach. He knew the man who attacked those women, including his mother and Carole, had pretty much held them down, raped them and then left. He could not even imagine the fear of being forced into…Sam couldn’t think about it without nausea rising up in his stomach. For a moment, he could not blame his mother for what she had become.

He couldn’t fit his mind into a woman’s, of course, because he would never be pregnant and would never carry the child of a horrible, violating act but he couldn’t help think that if he was his mother he would have immediately had an abortion. Nobody would have even held it against her if she had an abortion. A rape baby was practically the only reason that people couldn’t argue against it, right?

Of course Sam was glad she didn’t have an abortion because yeah, he kind of liked the fact that he was alive, but really, he wouldn’t have been as strong as she was, not at all.

“Dad!” he yelled, impulsively. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing.

His father immediately came up to his bedroom. “What is it Sam?” he asked, peeking his head in and then coming in all the way when he saw that he had his son’s permission. “How was dinner with Mrs. Hudson?”

“Great,” he mumbled, sitting up. “Dad, what was mom like before she was raped?” he asked bluntly.

He looked sad for a minute, distant and hurt. Sam almost thought his father wasn’t going to answer but he did. “She was a wonderful woman. We were a young couple but she was passionate, sweet, and emotional. She wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted to do with her life but she was very confident that whatever she did she would do it well.” He paused and then looked at Sam. “Don’t think your mother became a different person after that night, because she didn’t. She just hasn’t been able to cope with her hurt. I see that person in beautiful, shining moments and I think you do too, but if you blink, you miss it.”

He sighed and then got up. “I’m going with Mom to have lunch with Carole and Finn,” he said. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I do, son. I do.”


	11. Casual Lunch

Trina seriously thought that she was going to faint before they even reached the small café where she and Sam would be having lunch with Carole and Finn. She had never really been the nervous type but this mattered to her, so of course she was petrified. Sam was quiet, honestly, but her son displayed this type of determination that she had never seen on him before. He was very quiet, his jaw set and his eyes focused. She realized that he wanted this to work out far more than she did and that made her want it more.

Carole and Finn were already there when they arrived. Trina couldn’t help once again contemplate the boys’ paternity when she looked at Finn. Even though many of their physical traits were different, there was something so similar about the pair of teenagers. The young man smiled and then looked nervously at his mother to speak.

“Hi guys,” Carole said sweetly. She looked a lot more put together and less flustered than the last time that Trina had seen her. “Let’s grab a table near the back.”

They found a very nice table in the back and immediately a young waitress walked up and asked them for their drink orders. They placed the orders and were then again lost to a complete silence. Finn and Sam exchanged awkward looks and Trina tried her best to carry on a conversation. “So, Finn,” she said, turning her attention on Carole’s son. He flushed and looked like that was the last thing he wanted but she went with it since she’d already begun “I’d love to hear more about you.”

The teenager tensed up. “There’s not really much to say about me,” he said stiffly.

Almost as if determined to keep the conversation going, Sam filled in the blanks for Finn. “That’s such a lie, dude,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Finn’s the quarterback of the football team and pretty much the ruler of all things glee. He’s kind of awesome.”

Finn rolled his eyes right back at Sam, which made her smile, instantly.  “I’m not the ruler of all things glee,” he said.

Trina could not stop smiling, laughing appreciatively at the boy’s banter. Carole looked over at Trina and smiled too. It was just one big meeting of awkward smiles. “Can you believe that we’re sending these boys to New York City at the end of the year?” she asked casually. “I don’t know if I trust Finn, but at least I know he’s got a good group of kids keeping him out of trouble.”

“Geez mom,” Finn said, shaking his head. “I can take care of myself.”

Sam chuckled.

“Don’t worry Mrs. Hudson, the girls already promised to be good babysitters,” he said.

“Hey, do you think we can trust you?” Trina asked him, smiling.

Sam rolled his eyes and took a drink of his soda once it was placed down on the table in front of him. “I am completely trustworthy,” he said. Trina, upon looking a little closer, could tell that her son was nervous about the big trip. Why had she always ignored little details like that beforehand? In a casual situation like this one it was a lot easier to see that Sam was intimidated by New York. “Plus, this is going to be our big win.”

“Do you think you’ll win?” Trina asked softly, trying to take more interest in her son’s life.

Finn answered for Sam.

“Undoubtedly,” he said, passionately. “This is our year and everything. Last year we were crushed at Regionals but this year we won Regionals and are going to New York and going to crush any and everyone. We can’t lose.”

Sam seemed impressed. “What he said.”

The waitress took their food orders and then Trina asked a curious question. “Lima is such an interesting town,” she said. “Do you guys all enjoy it here? Carole, didn’t you say you’ve been living here for years?”

Carole nodded. “I have,” she said. “I like Lima. The small town life has always been good for me and I made a lot of good friendships here. I went through a few years where I didn’t _adore_ it here but now my family’s here. I have it all, really.”

“What about you boys?”

Sam shrugged.

“I just got here, mom,” he said. “It’s okay though. A lot different from all the places I used to live and the public school is definitely different than the all boys thing you and dad put me in a few years ago. It’s okay though.”

Finn nodded in quiet agreement. “It’s all I really know. I kind of want to get out of here after high school so that I can like, experience other things.”

“That’s awesome,” Trina said positively.

The rest of the dinner went by rather uneventfully. Trina had to admit that there was a sort of miracle to the level of ease that developed between the four of them. Sam and Finn were very good friends and talked like they had known each other for a lot longer than a year and Carole was the sweetest woman.

She felt so comfortable that she hardly noticed as time passed. The food was good and the conversation was wonderful. She wondered why she had been nervous at all. They didn’t talk about the uncomfortable or painful things that plagued them, not with their sons right there. It was like having good friends, something that she had to admit she hadn’t really kept in years.

On the way home, she asked Sam if he had a good time.

“I had a fantastic time mom,” he said, smiling like she was not used to seeing her son smiling. He was practically bouncing around in his seat. “Mrs. Hudson is really a great woman and I’m really glad that Finn and I are working out some of the tension we had between us earlier in the year. I really like getting along with him. He was pretty much the first friend that I made in Lima and I was really worried that we had messed that up. Um…uh, did you have a good time?”

“I did Sam,” she said softly. “It was really an amazing experience for me too.”

They got out of the car and walked up to the house. While she was opening the door, she heard something Sam said quietly and froze.  She had not heard Sam say those words in quite some time and they meant so much to her.

“I really love you mom.”

She was a more than a little shocked and reacted by immediately tugging Sam into her arms. She hugged him like he was still a little boy. He was her little boy, wasn’t he? “I love you too Sam, so much,” she said. “I’m so sorry for not giving you every little thing you’ve always deserved baby. I love you so much.”

Sam chuckled a little bit. “It’s going to be okay mom.” He let go of her and smiled as they walked inside.  “I think it is.”

Carole and Finn had just arrived home when Finn spoke up. “Mom?” he asked. “I…thank you for being such a strong person. Sam and I were talking a little bit about his mom and all that she’s been through and all that they’ve been through and I just realized that it’s really, really cool that you’ve been so strong.”

Carole paused and looked him in the eye. “Oh Finn,” she said, shaking her head. “Circumstance and good attitude saved my life.”

“Are things going to be alright?”

“Today was a good indication, a very good indication.”


	12. The end...

Sam waited in the car while his mom went to tell Carole the good news. He couldn’t believe it, himself, and could not believe that he was actually happy with the news. His mother was moving to Lima. She would have to take quite the commute for work but it was manageable and it was happening. She had decided that she was going to make her life work and repair the relationships she had destroyed between herself and her ex-husband and more importantly her son. Sam wasn’t naïve and knew that it was a long road but he was hoping his family could build bonds it never had. His mom was even making plans to visit a therapist now in the city.

His mom went inside and almost immediately after that Finn came outside to talk to him. He seemed rather cheerful, even for Finn. “Hey dude,” he said, waving. Sam got out of the car and leaned against it. He smiled at Finn while the taller boy talked. “Your mom said that you were outside in the car, so I decided to come and see what’s going on,” Finn explained. “What’s up?”

Sam shrugged. He had a lot to say but he had no idea how to even begin. “Nothing much really,” he said, but he knew his silly smile betrayed the way that he was feeling. “Well, actually, Mom has some really good news and she wanted to share it with Carole. She’s moving to Lima.”

“That’s awesome! Wait, you are happy about that right?” Finn paused for a moment to make sure that he had it right. Before everything had changed Sam actually never imagined that his mother coming to Lima would be a good thing but it was now. He nodded enthusiastically.

“I never imagined I’d be saying it dude, but yes, I am really happy my mom is making Lima her permanent home. She’s getting help; we all are. Things are going to be better. You were right dude; your mom is an angel. I think that we can really start to work things out.”

“Mom really is,” Finn said honestly. “This whole thing has made me realize just how lucky I am to have my mom. I mean, I always knew that it was just the two of us for years before Burt came along but I really underestimated everything that she’s done to keep the both of us together and…you know, okay. I don’t think that I would ever have the strength my mom has, especially after what happened to her. She’s kinda my hero dude.”

“I’m honestly hoping this whole thing helps us realize how lucky we both are,” Sam said. “We both have pretty awesome moms who had a horrible thing happen to them.’

“Never underestimate the power of a mother,” Finn agreed, laughing.

Sam fidgeted a little bit. “This made us closer friends too, right dude?” he asked, hoping he was reading the situation right. “I’m really sorry about everything that came between us, with girls and stuff. They’re not worth it really but this friendship is really important to me.”

“It’s important to me too, man,” Finn said, patting Sam on the shoulder. “I think that we’re going to have to stick together from here on out. Total bros and everything.”

“I like the sound of that,” Sam admitted. Moving around as much as he had, Sam never really had a close friend and Finn was his first hope for that. It seemed like all of the problems that had been plaguing his life were slowly getting smaller. His mom was settling in Lima, his family was closer to whole than it had ever been and he sort of had a best friend. It was a big deal the way that things were changing.

Meanwhile, Trina was overjoyed to be able to tell Carole Hudson that she was moving to Lima. “It’s going to be one hell of a trip to get from the office to the house,” she admitted, shaking her head, “but Ryan agreed to let me live with him and Sam until I find my own place and I’m ready to move back to Lima. I’m seeing a therapist in the city and, god, Carole, it really seems like everything is slowly getting to where it’s supposed to be.”

Carole looked absolutely shocked to hear the news. “Is Sam okay with that?” she asked.

“He’s actually really happy about it, Carole,” Trina said, betraying the fact that she could not believe her son was as happy as he was. She could not believe it at all! “After I see my doctor a few times he may even come see her as well. God knows that he needs help after all that he’s been through so young. We’re taking it one day at a time.”

“Taking it one day at a time is all that you can really do.”

Trina shifted a little and looked Carole in the eye. “I don’t really know exactly how I can thank you,” she said honestly. “If I hadn’t met you, I know that there is a huge chance that I would be this miserable person for the rest of my life. You saved me and saved my family. We’re going to do everything we can to get better and you were our inspiration.”

Carole shook her head from side to side quickly. “I didn’t save you, Trina,” she said, honestly. “I just gave you a push in the right direction.”

“Well whatever you call it, it means the world to me.”

Carole lit up in a smile. “Oh, Trina,” she said. “I just realized something.”

“What is it?”

“You moving to Lima is a really big deal,” Carole said, her smile just growing by the second. “I really don’t have any girlfriends anymore. When Finn was a kid I really didn’t have the time or energy to hang out with the other moms because I was going it alone and the few friends I have really been involved in their own things lately. I think this means that I may just have found my best friend.”

“Oh really?” Trina asked.

“Most definitely.”

When Carole hugged Trina, Trina wasn’t thinking about Carole as another woman who had been raped by the same man. Trina was thinking about Carole as her brand new best friend and a woman who had given her the push she truly needed to get through the worst.


End file.
